A new year, a new roller coaster and I’ve been through so much in the past two weeks that I feel the need to document it somehow in case I forget in the future as a reminder. The metaphor is like living between two clouds with a rainbow in the middle, grounded, airy, and dreamy at the same time. A wonderful and strange feeling.
Perhaps one of the sides to a regular yoga and meditation practice is to work through phases in life in another way. Perhaps more deeply or in connection with what is. Some people live more towards the middle line that is maybe more stable, some are like Italian strokes in a wild music piece differentiating from the high and low tones.
I’ve talked to a few friends in the past few days and so many (female mostly) have been going through the same kind of feelings and journey although completely unrelated which made me wonder.
Few days before/at the beginning of the year life was shit. It was like the culmination of the bad things that happened in 2018 just got stronger and I couldn’t run away from it anymore. Areas in life where I thought I was done but to later realise I was no-where done and all at the same time, pretty intense. Disease, friends who passed away, life was throwing it all at me to deal with. In a way, I appreciated to be so connected to even these sad feelings and despair and felt that I needed to go through them.
108 Sun Salutations
After the few but intense icky stuff, I went to this event that perhaps got me starting on a new track. In my yoga studio, I attended an event where we did 4h of non-stop yoga and 108 sun salutations guided by the very special teachers. It might sound a little crazy and I end up doing the slight extreme things in life, on one edge to the other. 108 intentions, 108 beginnings and a chance to start fresh. Yes, it was hard, physically, emotionally, especially for the shoulders but good in a way as I needed to plan to go through it all. In comparison, if you do a full primary series in Ashtanga Vinyasa yoga there are about 60 vinyasas/sun salutations. It was a really long time ago since practiced this intensively but perhaps in a strong flow class, there are perhaps 30 or so. So planning to endure it all and also resting when needed and understanding our limits, that is also part of the path.
After this session it was like life came back to me. I picked up myself from where I had been, opportunities and new encounters unfolded and I got energy for 5 days after that yoga session (without coffee) so yes, yoga is a pretty powerful thing!
That was perhaps the first big event into the new year, the ability to reset and start over. Go through the heavy stuff and start on a blank page. Also feeling in with what I wanted to do without the “shoulds”.
Secondly, I’ve started this new exciting journey into further consciousness and bringing the state of a working life and non working life closer together which is wonderful. Attending carefully selected event, and even starting to think about how I meet people, how I approach life and how I want to live.
It’s so easy to just go on and on in the same foot steps, not questioning and rely on our habits and way of doing things because it’s comfortable. When we start to question things, it might be uncomfortable at first but there is so much depth! Easy exercises, meditation, being with the right crowd, small things that I somehow though I had to travel far and shut out my professional life to access, meaning I could only tap into this or do this kind of work when I was travelling somewhere or in a retreat, wrong!
The tools are here all along, we know so much, our body is so clever, we just need to ask. So it won’t probably make much sense in writing but in short, it’s like I’m experience a new way of being. Going from the doing mode and combining the being with the doing in a whole new way.
Everything in my life is the same and in the same way so different. How I go to meetings, how I deal with fear, anger, disappointment, how I approach people, how I tackle problems. It’s insane! It’s like a whole new layer has opened up and it’s fantastic. Perhaps for the first time in life I am discovering who I am? Trusting the process and riding on a more smooth journey.
I’ve experienced some pretty intense feelings where everything gets multiplied (all in a good way) and wow life is so powerful! There are days where I can’t walk straight because the road is “soft”, I’m so overwhelmed with happiness and feelings that I’m literally almost seeing rainbows. Looking at the ceiling, discovering new rocks, haha where have I been? Living in a cave?
Or I’ve spent the whole year working perhaps, not letting any other feelings in and now everything is flowing again. I don’t know. Another observation; I realise the thread is perhaps hard to follow. For the past two days I’ve seen som many women meet. Beautiful women who like warriors walk through the snowstorm to deeply engage with their friends. Be a shoulder to cry on to those who need, making plans, picking up themselves, being brave, furious, humble and just starting off with life. I’m sure there are such men movements as well but I just haven’t seen that as much.
So big respect for all women out there who do this. Because I think that’s life is, the circle starts again. Men will follow in the tracks and a new beautiful year is upon us. Life is mysterious, everything can happy and we should be happy we have this chance to experience this beautiful thing called life. So for conscious living, staying open to wonders of life.