Discipline & Focus

Back to MySore again after almost a week’s break. Once again I was reminded of my lack of focus. Damn it! I start to tap into deep waters now. It’s really not strength and being flexible the biggest challenge for me (even though that is challenging), but the focus. I spent some time this morning to revise the primary series sequence before class. Only to discover that I forgot things again in the standing series! Not once, but twice! 

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I’m was certain that I knew the beginning and so focussed on the end so I completely lost it not even half way through. Wandering mind, difficulties to breathe, what was wrong with me today? I even felt a bit nervous, don’t know why. It was a new teacher whom I never met, and we were only a handful of students. 3 exactly when we started. It started with the opening mantra where I really was lost. Really have to learn that.
I really had something with my breathing today, I was out of breath and it was not even. Like I was afraid to breathe, that’s ridiculous! Anyway, I realised in the first seated pose that I forgot the chair pose and the warriors, again! Same thing happened last Monday, I hope it’s not a curse. Then along the way whilst I was looking at someone else, I realised I had forgotten about my favourite poses too! The wide leg folding forward one. I don’t know all the correct names yet so for now, I’ll just make up my new names.
The  teacher must have thought I was a complete moron coming to MySore not knowing the basics. That incident even made me doubt how to finishing sequence went. And two weeks ago I could remember almost everything! So annoying. I really have to do something about that focus, now. So I’m thinking of starting to meditate again. Probably good for me anyway and aligned with my practice.
This teacher doesn’t think I should continue the series until I learn how to bind in that half lotus. It’s about 4 poses in the seated sequence. Well, I can kind of bind on one side if I get help, how can I make my arm longer on that other shoulder? First I felt a bit disappointed about this. I really like doing the seated sequence (the ones I can do), before arriving towards those impossible ones in the end.
Then I thought that he is probably right. Maybe that’s how you should practice it anyway. Pose by pose, one at the time with no rush. Why do I always have to rush everything? I become so eager with everything, in a hurry to improve. It should take time I guess. So now I’ve decided to embrace it. Work on the standing series and be really good at it. Then these few, and then the finishing one.
On Friday, the old teacher comes back and maybe I’ll be able to do more then. Baby steps. Maybe it was just the Monday blues but damn winter felt so long today. We are back to -2, freezing bum and spring is so far. It’s time for discipline and focus throughout this winter. 
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